So this is what I get. I know I haven't updated in 69753862 years, but better late than never. Thanksgiving is tomorrow. With 2 less people than last year. Man, it really sucks being able to say that by the time I turned 17, I had no grandparents. Not one. That really makes me angry. Because, now that I have none, I have alot more appreciation for them. When old people come into my work, I wonder.."Do they have grandkids? Do they see them often?" And then my mind wanders from there. If anyone reads this, I beg you...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get to know your old folks...because once they're gone - you'll be wanting to commit suicide just to be able to see them again and talk to them one last time. Thats what I want more than ever. To see my grandmom and granddad one more time. I wanna talk to them...tell them about my boyfriend, and how school's going and that I got my license...and to thank them for the car.God, I miss them so much. Okay...next subject bc I'm already a mess and I haven't gotten to everything I want to rant and vent about.
Referring to the first sentence of this post, my life sucks now. I wish someone would have slapped me back to reality before I got so far into shit all I'm finding is pieces of corn, and no way out. I always told myself I wouldn't hang out with my bf 24/7. But I feel terrible not being able to see him during the week, so I want to see him as much as I can, when I can. Therefore, neglecting the few friends that I had. And my failure of a party sure showed that. I feel like I have about .45279 of a friend right now. Everyone had a sorry-ass excuse on friday...I couldn't believe it. So from now on when I don't feel like going to something with someone or a group of people, I'll just tell them I don't have a ride - because that's what everone told me. Which some people I don't believe. I bust my ass to drive all over creation just so I can see them, and even when I didn't have my license, I got places - why can't they? I feel like my friendship and company means nothing. Which it probably does to some people. Well, good riddens to them, becuase if they really were sorry about not coming, or ebing able to come, they would have expressed it in some way - a present, a card, even a simple phone call would ahve made me happy. But no. The majority of people jsut don't care. So now I know where I stand.
Is my life all track and Dan? That's what it feels like, and it's all my fault.
On a sortof brighter note, if my hip isn't feeling 90 years old, I can run a kick-ass mile on friday. I NEED to. I HAVE to. It's NON-NEGOTIABLE. All last year I ran shit miles during indoor, and I will not let it happen again. I have it in me to do well...I'm hoping for a sub-5.40. Which will be a start to a long road of running the mile at states. I want to run there so bad. I want to run the 4*800 even worse. Its ridiculous how we can't get our act together. I wish the girls' team were more motivated like the boys. Watching them at our workout yesterday, and just knowing their perspective on the sport, they want it. and they want it BAD. I wish the girls cared. Thats why I want xc to last forever. It is the MOST PUREST sport there is, and there' just no 2 ways about it. I love every aspect of it, and even if I'm not amazing at it, I still cherish each and every race, every emotion that flows through me during those times of pain and fatigue and lactic acid. You might think I'm a suburban soccer-mom crystal meth fan, but I'm not. You won't know what I'm talking about until you are a part of it. Nothing else matters to me except running those 3.1 miles on holy ground. The more I think about it, the less I like indoor, and expecially outdoor. Because the time outdoor rolls around, I wanna slaughter the whole team. I'm sick of racing on red ovals. I want miles and forests, and purity.
Hmm...this post is coming out to nothing I had expected, but since no one else will talk to me, I'll talk to myself, or moreso, the computer. Or you. But I don't think anyone reads this anymore, so "you" might not pertain to anyone except the people running lj.com, and I think even they don't read each and every journal. All the better. I can shit on people all I want and they'll never know. My little secret.
I hope things start turning for the better.
I feel like I don't even know KC anymore...going to a concert on a Sunday night?!?! Since when was her mom so chill about everything?? I'm guessing the death has her mind preoccupied. And who are all these bands she's mentioning? I need to stop listening to WMGK so much. Or get some cds. Or an iPod (Which is already on the top of my christmas list.) I hate buying cds tho. It's sucha gamble. You never know if they're gonna be good or not, and before you know it, you've wasted alot of money on alot of no-good cds. I'll sing the tune in my head instead.
Well, I think I've ranted enough for now....until next time...
Tout bien, qui finit bien.